Sex, Pop Tarts and Rock 'n' Roll
by x.Hardys and Horcruxes.x
Summary: A wedding day isn't complete without a letter from an old friend. Especially when that letter is red-hot, in a manner of speaking. Lane gets her revenge, and Rory gets a husband.


**Another one-shot that fits into my series. Hopefully you don't hate it and throw things at me. It's very dialogue-heavy, if that bugs you it might not be your cup of tea. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Not even a little bit is mine. **

Sex, Pop Tarts and Rock 'n' Roll

"Rise and shine, favourite daughter!"

That was weird. What was her mom doing here? She was hours away, terrorising Taylor or preventing Sookie from slicing anything vital off. For that matter, why was her bed so tiny? There was barely enough room for her, let alone…

Then everything clicked. She was in Stars Hollow, and it wasn't any ordinary day. It wasn't even a day filled with zany activities orchestrated by a cardigan-wearing dictator.

She was getting married.

Rory 'Proposals are Stupid and I Don't Want to be Married' Gilmore, daughter of the equally baggage-prone Lorelai, was actually tying the knot. The huge grin already plastered on her face was proof that this was to be one of the greatest days of her life. If only she could manage to open her eyes. Damn her old bedroom and its comfortable mattress.

"I'm glad you didn't say favourite child, I don't think Ritchie needs that sort of complex just yet."

"Sixteen months is a bit young, isn't it? He'll have to wait until he's about twelve to feel all kinds of sibling hatred based on my affection. Now, do you want me to tell you what time it is or would you rather be horrified on your own?"

"Give it to me straight."

"It's ten-thirty." Lorelai said with an amused smirk as her daughter practically exploded out of bed and looked at her with the craziest eyes imaginable. Rory had yet to unleash her inner bridezilla, and it looked like this morning was going to be Tokyo under attack.

"What? The plan we made weeks ago had us waking up at seven sharp! Seven! How did everything get so messed up?"

"Maybe the Brad Pitt movie marathon we started after Friday night dinner slash your rehearsal dinner was a teensy bit of a bad idea?"

"It's your fault for not having seen _Benjamin Button_! Me and Jess saw it years- oh right, wedding! Call Lane, Paris, and the National Guard if you have to! We're getting to the damn church by twelve if it's the last thing either of us do!"

"Relax, we need you looking pretty today. Lane and Paris are almost ready to go; we're meeting them at the inn. The only unfinished products are you and me, sweets. I even got mom to cancel that fancy stylist she hired behind your back. Everything is going smoothly. If this is the biggest problem of your wedding then you're doing better than most people. If you don't find your daughter making out with the best man in a closet, you're doing better than me!" Lorelai grinned evilly, causing Rory to throw one of her pillows at her before scrambling around to find any last minute necessities.

"Okay, I'm showering then we're out of here!" Rory grinned as she sprinted out of her room. Which was really Ritchie's room now, she supposed. But he was with Luke in Hartford so as far as she was concerned, it was hers as her last night as a free woman.

"I suggest clothes too, unless you want to give Babette and Morey a show!"

* * *

"If you don't wake up soon, I'm going to kick you in a very uncomfortable place. I'm not sure where it is, but you won't appreciate it."

Half awake, Jess rolled his eyes. He was used to these kinds of threats, he got them all the time when he lived with Matt and Chris. In fact, unless he was going a little bit crazy, the voice he was hearing sounded exactly like Chris. Down to the 'I'm threatening you with a huge smile but I'm sort of serious' tone of voice. But why would his former roommate, who had happily relocated to California, be in New York?

With a groan of semi-consciousness his brain pieced it together. They were all staying together at this fancy hotel in Hartford. The kind where the paintings weren't stuck to the wall because no one who could afford to stay there would steal such common works of art. Normally Jess avoided staying at these places like the plague (there was only so many times he could be called 'sir' without punching a wall) but today was special. It had to be, with Chris flying across the country.

He was getting married.

The rooms around them were full of relatives he'd never met, and parts of her family he wished he hadn't. Long gone were the dreams of a small ceremony with only their closest friends and family invited. It was okay though, he didn't really care how it happened. What mattered was that he was marrying Rory freaking Gilmore, the girl he'd been in love with for the entirety of his adult life. Ten whole years of both unrequited and requited feelings had culminated into one day. The fact that the large guest list would make the spotlight on them slightly smaller seemed like an advantage more than a hindrance when he thought of all the times he'd try (and most likely fail) to get her to sneak away somewhere a little more private.

"Wipe that dirty smile of your face, I don't want to know what you're thinking about!" Chris' shouting shook him out of a progressively dirtier train of thought.

"I'm getting married, genius. Two guesses what I'm thinking about."

"No! I refuse to think of sweet, adorable Rory in any other light, especially a red one!"

"As much as I want to make your brain explode, I doubt we have the time. Which is…?"

"Ten-thirty."

"Fuck. I told you not to wake me 'til eleven!"

"I thought that was cutting it a little fine, with the actual wedding bit being at twelve-thirty and all…"

"Being right makes me only want to throw things at you more."

"Understood. I'll go bully Matt into getting ready while you go shower… and no more dirty thoughts! We're heading to a church! Jesus will know!"

"You're telling me to go shower and _not _have dirty thoughts? Do I have to explain to you how the male mind and anatomy work, or-"

"And with that charming sentiment, I'm leaving."

* * *

"You're stunning!"

"Perfect!"

"Looks like the forest creatures make white dresses now."

"Thanks guys… and Paris. I can't believe it's really happening." Rory sighed as she looked into the mirror. She was a bride, something completely foreign to her. The dress was simple, with long lace sleeves to at least look like she was dressing for mid-November weather. Her bridesmaids wore knee-length blue dresses that completely ignored the need for warmth. But her mother insisted, and the cute but impractical halter neck dresses had been made by none other than Lorelai herself.

"I can't believe you're marrying Jess!" Lane squealed. "The same Jess I secretly had drawn a picture of and flung darts at for a year!"

"The Kerouac wannabe didn't screw his life up. I actually didn't even hate his last book. Sure there were some glaring faults, but it was definitely readable." Paris agreed, neglecting to add the part that she'd read all of Jess' books at least four times. Six times for one about privilege in a society that prided itself on equality for all citizens. It was like _Animal Farm _meets _Brave New World _and she adored every second of it.

"I'm not even going to object!" Lorelai chimed in happily.

"Such wonderful votes of confidence for my future husband."

"He loves you, and that's all I need. That and the fact that he doesn't sell drugs. Not being a dealer is a big plus." Rory rolled her eyes at her mother's antics and pulled her in for a hug. Her overall acceptance of Jess (which was actually close to friendship) made her immensely happy.

She didn't even feel like calling Paris out on the copy of '_Pax Populus_' she knew was on her desk at home covered in notes. She was just happy she got to see her friend, as holed up as the blonde was in Boston constantly on call at her hospital. Not to mention the not so recent breakup of her and Doyle, which actually hurt Paris so badly that she hadn't dated anyone since. Rory was hoping the romantic atmosphere (mixed with lots of champagne) might push her and eternal bachelor Chris together. Or at the very least they'd sleep together during the reception. The old Rory would've been disgusted by the idea, but considering that's how she got together with the man she was marrying, she supposed the idea had some merit.

"The cars are here, as I'm apparently being sent up her with messages like a common errand boy… oh Rory, you look beautiful!" Emily walked into the room and her entire demeanour changed.

"Thanks, grandma. I love your outfit too."

"Oh hush, today isn't about me. It's all about you being treated like the princess you very much look like. There's champagne waiting in the limo for you girls, and I may have bribed the driver into picking up some chocolate-dipped strawberries! Richard and I are going to pick up his suit from the drycleaners… can you believe that the damn thing took an entire week to be ready? Service is slipping further and further in this country."

"We'll see you at the church, mom." Lorelai said quickly, predicting an Emily Gilmore rant coming on. Though they were closer than ever, the inconsequential things that bothered her mother still seemed puzzling to her. With a final teary smile, Emily left the room. "Wow, she was here a whole two minutes and managed to say nothing bad about Jess. A new record."

"Maybe grandpa finally talked sense into her?" Rory was particularly pleased with the relationship between her grandfather and Jess. They'd hit it off almost instantly as soon as books were brought up, and Jess even bit the bullet and went golfing. Richard later confided in her that Jess may have been the worst golfer he'd ever seen, but the politeness and intelligence he'd shown during the ordeal proved that he was the perfect man for his granddaughter.

"Maybe seeing you all white-dressed and coiffed made her realise that this is really happening. And thus Emily Gilmore descended into the fifth stage of 'your perfect granddaughter is marrying a hoodlum': acceptance. You're lucky; it took us about forty years to get there."

"I'm really getting married, aren't I?"

"Let's go hit that champagne. With mama watching the kids I plan on getting all kinds of wasted."

* * *

"I told you we'd get here on time!"

"Right, five minutes before the ceremony. Knowing Rory she's probably been here since the crack of dawn." Luke grumbled as he carried his son up the stairs leading to the church. Most of the Gilmore/Danes/Mariano relatives weren't making an appearance until the overly elaborate reception, so he wasn't dreading this as much. Cousin Hattie wouldn't ask him to introduce him to any of his 'working class' friends for at least an hour, so that was always a bonus.

"Exactly! Jess is always late, and Rory early. Combine them and you get this superhero-like figure who gets everywhere on time and has read the equivalent of a large library." Matt explained simply, which caused the surrounding men to roll their eyes.

"True love is accepting that the guy you're marrying is an unorganised slob who sleeps til noon." Chris responded sagely.

"Or accepting that the girl can't cook to save her life and needs me to feed her?" Jess said with a grin, earning a laugh from Luke. If anyone knew about the Rory's lack of culinary skill more than Jess, it was his uncle. Their banter was shortly interrupted by Michel, who was wearing an impeccable suit and a headset that made him look like he worked for the government possibly covering up alien sightings.

"There you are! I cannot believe I have to run around finding people like a puppy chasing something that squeaks! I don't even get to bite you! Take your places right now or I may reconsider that last part." With that confusing threat the Frenchman took Ritchie from Luke and turned on his heels and made his way to the reception area to make sure the ushers (April and TJ) were doing a decent job.

"Dude, did he just threaten to bite us?" Matt asked.

"Let's not stick around here to find out." Luke replied with a roll of his eyes. Michel's antisocial antics were a game he'd been playing for far too long.

Not needing further instruction, the four men exited the small room they had wandered into and took their positions at the front of the church. Jess almost audibly gulped at the amount of people with their eyes on him. He wasn't afraid of public speaking, or people in general, but he knew that one side of the church was strongly judging his appearance, demeanour and soon would be scrutinising his every word. At least he could take comfort in his family being too distracted on whether or not the reception afterward would serve shrimp cocktails to pay too much attention.

Also comforting was the presence of Luke by his side. He would tell Jess to stop being an idiot if he said something stupid, or would catch him if he passed out or decided running the hell away from everything was a good idea. Not that he'd tell Rory this, but he was really glad that she asked her grandfather to walk her down the aisle instead of her long time father figure. He didn't know that Rory had in fact asked Luke first, but he knew that he needed to be there for Jess. Besides, Richard looked better in a suit than he did.

All coherent thoughts left the young man's mind as soon as the music began. He barely noticed Doula skipping down the aisle, forgetting to sprinkle the flowers so she just dumped them all out on the floor. He saw Luke's huge smile as Lorelai reached the podium, and Paris scrutinising Matt and Chris, as though trying to figure out which one she was being set up with. Vaguely he noticed Ritchie chewing on the pillow the rings were sitting on, but it all faded to black the second he saw Rory. With her giant smile and slightly shaking hands that were being held by her grandfather, who looked equally as happy to be there. From that moment nothing else mattered, and he doubted much else ever would matter again.

* * *

"I know you're all eager to enjoy the delicious food prepared by the wonderful Sookie, but I hope you don't mind if I bore you all with a story about my granddaughter and the hoodlum she is now married to." Richard was now standing ready to present his toast, to a mixture of laughter and stuffiness coming from the Gilmores of the room. "I was once away on business, and I returned to my wife in quite a mood. Naturally I assumed that one of the maids had served cold soup or some other inconsequential nonsense, so I prepared to placate her. What I then heard was very troubling to me indeed. Rory, my wonderful granddaughter who was well on her way to being valedictorian of Chilton, was dating a young man who was not only late, rude and short-" Richard paused as Rory couldn't stop giggling.

"Grandma didn't say anything about his hair?" She said teasingly, running her hands through the hair in question.

"On the contrary, I believe she had at least twelve different words to describe it. But the greatest crime of all… he was sporting a black eye! My wonderful, perfect Rory was dating a rapscallion! A thug! Naturally I thought the very worst about this Jess fellow for years. Until the day we met and he blew me away with a very astute description of _Atlas Shrugged _that my own granddaughter had been too enamoured with Ayn Rand to notice. I knew then that this was a man I could trust with Rory's heart, even if his golf game left something to be desired. Jess, you'll be happy to know that not one person knows about the swan. To Rory and Jess!" Richard raised his glass in a toast which was answered by everyone in the room except Luke who was too busy laughing about the swan incident, and Rory, who still knew nothing about that story.

"Why did my granddad mention swans? What happened with swans?" Rory asked with a small frown on her face. Rather than answer, Jess decided that the best plan of action was to kiss her.

* * *

"I look like a nun."

"You look cute!"

"Exactly! I don't do 'cute'."

"April, did you really want to wear a mini skirt and fishnets with your father breathing down your back?"

There was some time for mingling before dessert was being served, and Rory found herself in a fruitless conversation with her stepsister. This was April's first time back with her family since going to Harvard a couple of months earlier, and she wasn't adjusting back to the lack of freedom entirely well.

"I'm an adult, he should treat me like one!"

"Probably, but you need to earn his trust back. Remember the last time he treated you like an adult?" April nodded, her mind flashing back to a wild party at the Gilmore-Danes household that resulted in a broken TV, one kid with alcohol poisoning and several of Stars Hollow's finest cops arriving on the scene.

"So you're saying that in order to be treated like an adult, I should let him treat me like a kid?"

"Exactly!"

"Doesn't help my dilemma tonight. No guy's going to look at me dressed like this!"

"Which I'm sure was not Luke's intention when he approved this outfit." Rory said with a grin which April reluctantly returned. "Besides, you're sort of related to almost everyone here, be they Gilmore, Danes or Mariano."

"True. I miss having a boyfriend."

"From what I've heard Trevor wasn't exactly the best boy for you."

"Says the woman who just married the guy the entire town warned her against."

"I'm the exception to the rule, missy."

"Plus, the guy turned out to be pretty much the most amazing person ever, not to mention a hell of a fu-"

"Mariano, if you finish that thought I'm going to be sick." April said with a roll of her eyes as Jess put his arm around his new wife.

"So it's okay for us to talk about your sex life, but mine is off limits?" Rory asked with a wide-eyed innocence she'd perfected over the years. Her statement made both April and Jess look at her with shock.

"I think I'll go the Luke state of mind and pretend that my baby cousin has never even had an impure thought."

"That's how he thinks about me, too." Rory added mischievously.

"Well he's wrong there."

"You think I have impure thoughts?"

"Constantly." He moved closer and kissed her softly. "In fact, I think if I were to bite-"

"Still here, lovebirds." April said with a smile while she dealt with feeling both happy for the couple, and nauseated.

"Fuck off then."

"Jess, language!"

"English?"

"That's still not funny. April, go find some single boy to terrorise. Preferably one you're not related to."

"Well, if I have the bride's stamp of approval… woah, who's that gorgeous guy? Please tell me I'm not related to him." April was practically salivating at a man across the room. A man who Jess recognised instantly.

"No."

"We're not related? Hell yeah!"

"I meant no, stay the hell away from Chris."

"Aw, why?"

"He's too old for you!"

"Aren't you the same age? Come on Jess, you're not _that _old."

"Hear that? We won't have to get you that hip replacement after all." Rory said as she dealt with the idea of not being _that old_. Which still meant old. She was married after all. Jess turned around to say something smart but April was almost halfway across the room.

"Alone at last. Even if it is at the expense of one of my best friends being stalked."

"Here we are, all married."

"I'm surprised we made it, to be honest."

"What? Why?" Rory asked, concerned. Maybe he was having second thoughts.

"After the world's worst proposal, which you somehow accepted."

"You thought I'd say no?"

"I threw the ring at you!"

"I don't blame you, the way I was acting."

"I was being a jerk."

"You're forgetting what's most important: the fact that, one year later, we're still telling people that you took me out to a nice restaurant and popped the question."

"I think your mom's onto us."

"Onto you about what?" Lorelai said with a smile as she approached the couple. Rory noticed that it was her fifth glass of champagne, so she was bound to be feeling even sillier than usual. "The bogus proposal story? I'm going to find out the truth one day!"

"Is she old enough for a retirement home yet?" Jess asked, getting simultaneously swatted at by both Gilmore girls.

"Keep it up and when I'm a little old lady you'll be the one I hit with my walking stick. While living with you. In space."

"The moon, or mars?" Rory couldn't help but ask.

"Wherever they freeze Brad Pitt! I had a joke about playing with Benjamin's buttons but I forgot it."

"I'm sure it was great."

"The joke of our time."

"You're both mean. Not to mention married. Oh sweets, when did you get old enough to get married?" Lorelai pulled her daughter in for a hug, and the two started getting very watery eyes.

"Thank god we went with waterproof mascara."

"I wasn't having you looking like a racoon on your wedding day. Which reminds me, I actually came over here to tell you that the food's going to be out in a minute so you should probably go grab your seats."

"Why did racoons remind you of- you know what, I don't want to know."

* * *

The formal part of the night was drawing to a close, and there was only one speech left: Lane's. Rory had been dreading this all night, remembering the embarrassing letter that she'd read on her best friend's wedding night. Though Rory couldn't remember ever writing anything like that, it was highly likely that Lane had dug something equally as awful up. When you've been friends with someone practically your whole life they're bound to know a thing or two about you.

"Rory, over five years ago you stood up in front of my friends and family and told them all that I wanted to marry Alex Bacchus. You laughed, and it was great. Little did you know that I had an identical letter from you, dated from the next day. Let's see, '_Dear Lane, I've been thinking about that letter you sent me about who you want to marry. I stayed up late last night thinking about all the boys in the world and who I should marry. I don't want to marry a writer, they're too angsty and weird._' Sorry Jess, just reading what's in front of me. '_I decided the man for me is Anthony Kiedis_." Lane paused as several members of the crowd burst out laughing, while several older people whispered questions to their younger relatives about who on earth that man was. Jess looked at Rory with disbelief, and she just shrugged. "'_I know he's had problems, but he's really cute and a good singer and have you listened _Mother's Milk_? It's incredible. We'd be all about sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, except without the drugs. Maybe we could have Pop Tarts instead. Also I'm not sure on the sex part either. But he's the one man I want to marry and that will never change. Good luck with Miss Gilbert's quiz, I hope we don't have to look at a dead frog again. Love, Rory._' Jess, I know you're a bestselling author and your book is being made into a movie, but you better get started on an album or Rory might leave you for Anthony Kiedis."

"Only if he apologises for _Dani California_." Rory said with a tearful smile, feeling very close to her best friend.

"To be fair, _Stadium Arcadium _was actually a decent album, though... sorry, off-topic! I also have here a second letter, written by yours truly. Rory's never actually seen this letter, because the day I was going to give it to her… let's just say it was a bit too late: '_Dear Rory, why don't we write letters anymore? Do you ever feel like computers have ruined us? That's not the point of this letter, by the way. I was trying to find you yesterday, and I ended up near the bridge. You were there with Jess, as usual. But something felt different. The way you were smiling, it made me smile. I haven't seen you this happy in a long time. If Jess makes you happy, then he's a pretty amazing guy. I don't think you know the way he looks at you. I think he loves you, Rory. Maybe one day, like in ten or twenty years after I've toured the world with my band and we're filming our E! True Hollywood Story or whatever, you and Jess will be married, like me and Dave-' _sorry Zack! It was a different time! '_And we'll live in a big house together and we'll all be really happy. That's what I think. Love you lots, Lane.'_ I'm so glad that the two of you have found each other, and though I don't want to live with you in a big house because that seems a bit weird, I'm so excited for both of you to start your lives together. For real this time."

Rory smiled at her best friend, and then turned to her husband. To say that she was excited for what was to come was an understatement. They'd fight, and work long hours without seeing each other enough, but all that would pass. The important thing was that they had really found each other, and hopefully it was a forever type thing.


End file.
